Today is my 27th Birthday! I love birthdays. Love love love them. Not just mine. Anyone’s! I get truly sad if you don’t let me tell you happy birthday. It’s your freaking day! BE HAPPY! Like I feel like the only person that truly understands birthday like I do is Bilbo Baggins. I mean that guy knows how to throw together a birthday bash. Don’t fret, I won’t be slipping on the ring and hopping off on an adventure. Although I would enjoy spending some time with the elves. Plus, I bet Gandalf & I would truly be the best of friends. For real. I’m always down for a good adventure 😉


In terms of birthdays though, I am no Bella Swan. I want the attention. Call me an attention whore, I’ll take it! I’LL LOVE IT! I mean honestly, I feel all of us bloggers are a little bit an attention whore. I mean what other kind of person thinks that the world gives a crap about what they have to say? I’m taking back attention whore.              Taking. It. Back.


What has Julia Swoons done with her 27 years of life you ask? Well, she is married to her wonderful husband Kyle. They have a beautiful 4 year old daughter named Charlotte. Julia Swoons has two Bachelors degrees, one in Communication and one in Women’s Studies. She is an Assistant Underwriter at an insurance company in Illinois. She is an aunt to two gorgeous women. A great aunt to two adorable 4 year old boys and one gorgeous 9 year old girl. Julia Swoons got her AINS designation this year for her job (Associate in General Insurance).  She has wonderful friends and family. Two cats that only sometimes driver her nuts. She loves her job. She also loves books and video games. I’m sure there are other things, but I’m not one to be braggy 😉


So since I am turning 27 I thought it would be super original *snort* to make lists of 27 things. Of course I’ll throw some gifs in her because I really fucking love gifs. Gifs are kinda my jam. Plus it’s my birthday so you all have to be nice to me. 😊


27 of Julia Swoons’ current favorite books

(in no particular order):

  1. Harry Potter (all of them, don’t judge me it’s my birthday)
  2. Groupie by C M Stunich
  3. Perfect by Adell Ryan
  4. Roadie by C M Stunich
  5. Elizabeth and the Thunder of Dragons by Ava Mason
  6. Death of Gods by Scarlett Dawn & Katherine Rhodes
  7. Leyak by L A Boruff
  8. Hikiinks Harem series by Tate James & C M Stunich (don’t make me choose)
  9. Queen Takes Queen by Joely Sue Burkhart
  10. Unmerciful by Cat Miller
  11. Supay by L A Boruff
  12. Twighlight Series by Stephenie Meyer
  13. Two Kingdoms by Kristy Cunning
  14. Queen Takes Rook by Joely Sue Burkhart
  15. Queen of the Underworld by Helen Scott
  16. The Premonition Series by Amy A Bartol
  17. Unbound by Cat Miller
  18. Dragon’s Fate by Eva Chase
  19. Dark Instincts by Suzanne Wright
  20. Carnal Secrets by Suzanne Wright
  21. Divergent Series by Veronica Roth
  22. The Hobbit by J R R Tolkien
  23. The Kricket Series by Amy A Bartol
  24. The Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins
  25. The Shatter Me Series by Tareheh Mafi
  26. King of Gods by Scarlett Dawn
  27. The Host by Stephenie Meyer


27 of Julia Swoons’ favorite fictional boyfriends

(both books & TV – because, don’t make me choose)

  1. Aaron Warner – Shatter Me Series by Tareheh Mafi
  2. Michael, Cope, Pax, Muse, Ransom – Rock-Hard Beautiful Series by C M Stunich
  3. Bel – Death of Gods by Scarlett Dawn and Katherine Rhodes
  4. Jax – Perfect by Adell Ryan
  5. Avery – RH Fated Alpha (Elizabeth & Her Dragons) by Ava Chase
  6. Four – Divergent Series by Veronica Roth
  7. Eric Northman – True Blood (TV)
  8. Warden, Billy, Dustin, Reg, George, Shane – The Hijinks Harem by C M Stunich & Tate James
  9. Kade – Unmerciful by Cat Miller
  10. Dorian, Roran, & Rilen – Vampire Crown Series by Scarlett Dawn & Katherine Rhodes
  11. Edward Cullen – Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer
  12. Jacob Black – Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer
  13. Kyon – The Kricket Series by Amy A Bartol
  14. Russel, Reed, Brennus, Z – Premonition Series by Amy A Bartol
  15. Jax – Sons of Anarchy (TV show)
  16. Rik & Daire – Their Vampire Queen Series by Joely Sue Burkhart
  17. Tobias – Perfect by Adell Ryan
  18. West – The Dragon Shifter’s Mates Series by Eva Chase
  19. Mr Darcy – Pride & Predjudice by Jane Austen
  20. Hunter, Emmett, Knox, & Nolan – Daughter of Persephone by Helen Scott
  21. Hunter, Christian, & Easton – RH Fated Alpha (Elizabeth & Her Dragons) by Ava Chase
  22. Elias, Anthony, & Axo – Leyak by L A Boruff
  23. Kai, Jude, Gage, & Ezekiel – The Dark Side Series by Kristy Cunning
  24. Trey – Kricket Series by Amy A Bartol
  25. Tobias, Jullien, & Brax – Perfect by Adell Ryan
  26. Peeta – The Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins
  27. Dante, Nick, Trey, Marcus, & Trick – The Phoenix Pack Series by Suzanne Wright

Well I hope you all have a happy Wednesday! I plan to work, spend time with the hubby and kid, go out to dinner, and watch Big Brother. Yaaaaaay Birthdays are so great! Have a drink, eat some cake, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

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Julia Swoons over Big Brother

So another not so secret passion of mine is Big Brother. It is literally one of my favorite shows. I am a reality TV junkie. Give me Big Brother, give me Bachelor in Paradise, give me Naked and Afraid! You know I’m Keeping Up with those Kardashians and I live for Jerzdays. I love realty TV. Period.

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I just have to say I am OBSESSED with this season! I haven’t been this into it since Derek’s season. Ahhhh Derek was so amazing! What a freaking game player! Well this season Tyler is my Derek. He is seriously so cute and SO FREAKING good at the game! I have been such a huge fan of his and level six the whole game! Tyler is obviously running the entire house and ALMOST no one suspects him of it! He is a competition beast and his social game is off the charts. Plus, DAMN he is swoony. ❤


The Zingbot episode was so great. Zingbot is hilarious. I agree with him so much about Fessy. Damn that boy is dumb! Hayley is cute but I honestly don’t think she is that into him. Even though Brett is a super douche (nail on the hear Zingbot!) she would have been waaaay better off attaching herself to him instead of Fessy. Plus her other alliance member, Scotty, he is super weird and completely bizarre. I don’t have a problem with nerds. I’m a nerd myself. He is just bizarre and makes me uncomfortable.


A super suprising conniving guy this season is JC! I felt like I liked him at the beginning. He’s funny and cute but after I heard about the whole ice cream scooper controversy I wasn’t a fan. He is doing a good job working the house though! I mean like I said Fessy is super dumb but JC is working that shit! JC may suprise us… At least he is a better game player than Sam… 😐 She is nuttier than squirrel shit.


Do I have any other Big Brother fans out there?! Who are your favorites this season? Your least favorites?! What did you think of last night’s eviction? & this Jury Battle Back?! No! 👎 LET’S HEAR IT SWOONERS! ♥️


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Where has Julia Swoons been?!

Heeeeelllllllooooooo!! It’s been a couple days since I posted and BOY have I been busy. No I haven’t been off with my vampire or shifter harem trying to fight off rebels or druids. I’ve been busy with family stuffs!! You know. #Momming

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On Saturday, we had a birthday party for my daughter Charlotte! She turns 4 on August 25th and I have no idea how it’s freaking possible. I swear I was just pregnant. But it’s true, she is getting older and I’m just getting old. 


We had lots of friends and family come to a park in town where the kids went wild, we ate some Dominos, and ate some Paw Patrol cake! Plus immediate family wore Paw Patrol family shirts, because we are obviously cool like that 🙂 


Charlotte got spoiled with a bunch of toys of course. Her big presents were a Paw Patrol bike from her grandma Joni (my mom) and a swing set from her grandparents (the hubby’s parents). Putting the bike together inside was a hassle but aboslutely NOTHING compared to putting the freaking swing set together. Who has put a swing set together?! Anyone. If so, then you know the absolute HELL my husband I went through…


It literally took 6 hours in 85-90 degree weather to put it together. It the freaking direct blazing sun. Lots of cursing, chigger bites, cuts, and an almost 4 year old constantly asking if we were done yet before we FINALLY got this thing put together. Plus, fun fact. You should read the directions on tiki torches. I lit my new one and set the whole damn thing ablaze…. #LessonLearned


I do have to admit that it’s pretty cool. Charlotte is of course over the moon which makes it all worth it of course. BUT stupid me, being above sunscreen and all is SUPER freaking burnt. To a crisp. I’m probably dying. 

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ALSO my little almost 4 year old nugget start Pre-K yesterday! I know right. *Sob* Look at how cute she is. So adorable. 


Well, while I sob into my coffee about my baby growing up I’ll let you get back to your Tuesday. 


Hopefully I can get a book review in ASAP as I just finished something AMAZING! I can’t wait to get into it. But for real. Thanks for stopping in! Love you dolls ❤ 




Julia Swoons over some AMAZING quotes

Some stories just touch you. The words that the authors have dreamed up just resonate deep within your soul. Literally words that you carry around with you for years because they are just so amazing. Maybe the make you cry, laugh, or just make you all giggly with the swoons. (It can’t just be me right?)

I wanted to put together some of the quotes that have touched my soul. Swoon with me quote-style ❤

Side note: Love some of these quotes?! Click the book title to find it on Amazon ❤


Perfect by Adell Ryan

‘He steps to me, brings his lips to mine, and whispers. “Adoro stare con te. Ti desidero più di ogni altra cosa al mondo.” He nips my bottom lip with his teeth, releases, then places a light kiss against the sting he left behind. My eyes close, and when they open he’s against the stove again.’

‘My fuckin’ heart. It’d be a damn miracle if she didn’t feel it poundin’ when her head was on my chest.’

“I need you to stop biting your lip and looking at me like that.”

I will never leave you. My heart dictates the thought. Every word vibrates truth through my veins.

Supay by L A Boruff

“You’re beautiful. I was undecided how far I was willing to go with this search, but now I’m sure. You are my Coya, and I will follow you until the end, be it our deaths or our long lives.”

“Sleep, Coya,” he said. “You are safe. We would die to protect you, my beautiful queen.”

“I’ll be loyal to you until you die, and I’ll never leave you willingly. You’d have to convince me that you never wanted to lay eyes on me again—and then I’d still watch over you, but you wouldn’t see me.”

Elements of Ruin by C M Stunich & Tate James

“Ex-fucking-cuse me?” I spluttered in indignation. “First of all, if I want to chuck a hissy fit about you only being here for this mysterious Dusty then I damn well will. Because you are. And despite the fact that I am clearly still in love with you, and the other guys all miss the fuck out of you, you still don’t give a flying fuck! And as for this claim that you shattered my world, you must be bloody barmy. I faked my orgasms.”

‘All the while, his cock still thrust lazy strokes into my chamber of secrets and his philosopher’s stones slapped at my clit. Combined with the exquisite feeling of Dustin’s magical wand thrusting into my throat, I was just one big muggle. I mean muddle. Damn, I needed to stop watching Harry Potter porn so often.’

‘Because loving someone who was perfect was easy; loving someone flawed was worthwhile.’


Elizabeth and the Thunder of Dragons by Ava Chase

He fiddled with the table. “I’m sorry, Liz, but you’ll never get over the death of your parents.” He looked up now, his eyes meeting mine and I could see the pain in them. “Someone told me it’s like a suitcase that you inherit when they die. You have to carry it, every day. You can never leave it behind.” He shrugged. “And some days, it’s light. You laugh, you have fun.” Then his eyes darkened, and they looked sad again. “And some days, it’s heavy. You feel the pain in your chest, and it’s stifling and dark inside. It’s your burden to carry, but it’s also your privilege. Because if you’re still grieving them, even years after they die, then that means that they meant something to you.”

The Ravager Chronicles by Sara Page

“Rest, Ameia, rest,” he insists. “I’ve got you.” His hand strokes back my hair and my scalp tingles with pleasurable little jolts. “And I’m never letting go.”

“If you were mine,” he says softly, his head lifting. His face deadly serious. “I would do anything to come back to you.”

“I’ve waited for you for an eternity.”

King of Gods by Scarlett Dawn & Katherine Rhodes

“I believe the only moment you two halfway awakened was when Lord Belshazzar kissed your forehead and then mumbled something under his breath about you not sleeping on your side of the bed. He went back to snoring—after you snuggled even closer to him.”

‘His blue eyes fell, casting his expression in a rare moment of uncertainty. On the barest breath, he breathed, “I don’t like it.”’

‘Lord Belshazzar showed me how sorry he was, even if he didn’t speak the words, as he made gentle and powerful love to my mouth.’


Elizabeth, Guardian of Dragons by Ava Mason

“I solemnly swear.” I stopped, waiting for them to begin. “I solemnly swear,” their deep male voices reverberated throughout the room and it made me feel their strength, their power. Easton, who was sitting across from me, peeked through one eye. “That I’m up to no good.” I was really trying to hold in my laughter now.’

“No. Because I love you, Pinky. Because I love you so much that it physically hurts when I see you with the other guys. But it tears me apart to think of leaving you, to imagine giving you up. Because I want to smash Avery’s face for leaving you like that. Because I will give anything to take your pain away. Because when I saw you lying on the ground, so torn up and upset, I knew I would do anything to make you feel better.” He rubbed his nose against mine. “Including giving you my heart.”

‘I brushed my fingers over his lips, softly so he wouldn’t wake, and a breathtaking love for him clung to my heart, making it pound softly against my chest.’

Dragon’s Fate by Eva Chase

“You’re more than enough. You’re fucking spectacular, Ren. I’m sorry I ever made you feel otherwise. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be worthy of you. But I’m going to try. I promise you that.”

“I love you, Ren,” he said, low and rough. My pulse skipped. I looped my arm around his neck, tugging all of me closer to him. “I love you too.” “Lord only knows how I got that lucky.”

“I love you too. My first and my last. One and only.”

Intuition (The Premonition, #2) by Amy A Bartol

“I will come for ye…ye’re moin, mo chroí.”

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The Host by Stephanie Meyer

“It’s an unkind thing you are doing, Jebediah.” “Life is unkind, Magnolia.”

Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi

“I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body. 

I want to know where to touch you, I want to know how to touch you. I want to know convince you to design a smile just for me. Yes, I do want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend in the entire world.” 

“I want so many things,” he whispers. “I want your mind. Your strength. I want to be worth your time.” His fingers graze the hem of my top and he says “I want this up.” He tugs on the waist of my pants and says “I want these down.” He touches the tips of his fingers to the sides of my body and says, “I want to feel your skin on fire. I want to feel your heart racing next to mine and I want to know it’s racing because of me, because you want me. Because you never,” he says, he breathes, “never want me to stop. I want every second. Every inch of you. I want all of it.”

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What about you guys?! Any quotes that just stop your heart?! Give me some book quotes that have just resonated with you! 


Julia ❤

Julia Swoons: Drama Queen?

Anyone that knows me, I mean truly knows me understands how extra I am. Like a total drama queen. I know a lot of people claim this, maybe they don’t but honestly I have #noshame. I’m constantly dying or about to die. Really. Sickness, tired, hungry, sore, just living life kills me. ☠


Another way I am just so unbelievably extra is that I pass out a lot. Maybe I should say faint, that sounds more lady like. I have been fainting for years. Personally I think it’s due to anxiety and sometimes not eating enough that day. But I’m no doctor. I’m sure there is a medical reason. Who knows. All I know is it happens, a lot. My first time fainting like the delicate little flower I am was when I was 13 and I got my cartilage pierced. Here I am strolling into Claire’s feeling like a badass. Well it hurt. A lot. Walk out of the store and poof. Fainted. Probably less of a poof and more of a boom but you get the picture 😉


Well that same year I also decided to get contacts. I was really going through a change everything phase. I was young. Well after attempting to stab myself in the eye with a contact for at least an hour, I felt ill. Since this was the beginning of my fainting life I didn’t really know what was happening. So like a totally normal person I went into the restroom, to you know, die. It’s like when an animal gets old or is sick and it knows it’s going to die it like looks for somewhere to hide. Under a porch, in a box, under a log, whatever. That was me. Looking for somewhere to die alone. My mother had to shove my passed out body away from the bathroom door at Bard optical to get in and wake me up. What. A. Hoot. Good thing I didn’t lock the door… Since my life isn’t a romance novel I probably wouldn’t have been saved by 4 sexy fireman. Plus I was 13,so they wouldn’t have been interested in me anyway.


So passing out. It’s kinda my thing.. Pretty badass right?! Oh you better watch out, this bitch is gonna eff you up as long as her anxiety doesn’t take her out first 😂 I have also had the typical getting a shot, giving blood, etc. faints. When I had to get shots in high school they would strap me to this crazy chair and flip me upside. Talk about dramatics. It really helped though. Last year I got my lovely feminist tattoo on my wrist. All I ate that day was half a scone. I don’t have a gallbladder so if I eat a lot sometimes bad things happen. Things you don’t want happening whilst being tattooed. Well he was just filling in the feminist symbol and out I go. Wake up to him leaning me back and handing me a pill to take. What does one do when a stranger gives them a pill? Well you take it of course. Obvi.


What brought on this explanation of my dramatics you ask? I bet you can guess. No? Yes? You guessed it. Or did you? I went to the dentist yesterday. Wooo. Pretty typical thing. Everybody goes to the dentist. At least I hope. Well being a coffee and coke addict (the drink, not the white stuff 😉) I get some cavities so I need some fillings. I got a couple last week and got a couple yesterday. Last week was fine. A-okay. Yesterday. Well of course I passed out at the dentist while getting numbed. Those needles are outrageously long. I told her it was happening then I wake up to find myself completely leaned back with my tiny lady dentist holding my legs in the air. I mean I’m impressed by her strength because I’m definitely not small and she definitely is. So my mouth is numb, I’m drooling, laying backwards, while a tiny woman holds my legs in the air. I was trying to think of a polite way to tell her to let me go because I was starting to get a leg cramp. Like she was trying to stretch me out for a big race not keep me from taking a small nap at her place of work. I mean it was a really long day, I needed a nap.

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After my theatrics I came home to take a bath. Anytime anything is slightly wrong with me I have to take a bath. Dehydrated? I’ll get in the bath and suck the water into my skin like a frog. Cold? The steam from the bath with clear my sinuses. Back hurts? Bath. Tired? Bath. Heartburn? Bath. Heartbreak? Bath. Belly issues? Bath. Want to hide from your toddler? Bath. Study for your insurance test? Bath. Literally a bath cures all ails. It is one of the best things in life.


So what have we learned?

A. Julia Swoons is super dramatic.

B. Julia Swoons passes out. A lot.

C. Julia Swoons is not a doctor. 

D. Baths are amazing. 🛀 🌺

Happy Wednesday dolls!


Julia ❤

Another Obsession <3

Okay dolls. I know typically I am swooning over my fictional book husbands. Aka Warden, Bel, Jax, Avery, Elias, etc…. You should probably read my blogs to figure out who those guys are 😉

TODAY I AM SWOONING OVER SOMETHING ELSE. Another passion, if you will. This passion is makeup. Obvi. So, as a makeup obsessed BoxyCharm subscriber one of my favorite days of the month is my BoxyCharm delivery! THAT WAS YESTERDAY. Woooooo! Here it is!

So obvi super excited. Can’t wait to try this stuff out. Any other makeup lovers out there?! There has to be right?! BoxyCharm subscribers? Hit me up! Email me. Tweet me. Do something. There is so much love to be had.

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I should say I am not being paid by BoxyCharm. This has nothing to do with anything but a crazy girl obsessing over makeup. I paid $21 for this box and got all this makeup. Definitely worth it. 6 freaking items for $21?! Cray cray.


Who is Julia Swoons?

Hey dolls! Happy freaking Friday ya’ll ❤


I feel like I have been blogging away but haven’t really gotten into me. I mean who the heck is Julia and why is she swooning so much?! Well I am 26 and an Assistant Underwriter at an insurance company in Illinois.  I feel like I have been ‘boy-crazy’ from the start of my life. I remember my first crushes as Ashton Kutcher on That 70s Show, Joey Tribbiani on Friends, and Ringo Starr’s cartoon character on The Yellow Submarine. I just absolutely love love. My favorite movies? My favorite TV shows? My favorite books? THEY ALL HAVE LOVE IN COMMON.

What else do I love? Books. Especially romance books! I have read quite a few YA books and love a lot of them, but I always felt like they were lacking in the love department. So where did I turn? Romance books. You heard me. Smut. Lady porn. Call it what you will, I love it. (I’m obviously getting paid every time I use the word LOVE 😊). Discovering the Reverse Harem genre was also HUGE for me, because I mean.. #WhyChoose. Plus I can share my love for my smutty books with my momma which is always fun 😉

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I am a super lucky lady to have an amazing husband that also shares my love of books. Not the same books, no lady porn for Mr. Kyle Swoons. Sharing a love of books is an awesome thing in our relationship because we get to spend a lot of time reading together. Not over each other’s shoulders or anything, just reading by ourselves silently in the same room. I also have a kid. Little Charlotte Swoon if you will 😉 She too loves to read, even though she hasn’t learned how yet. She tells a really cool story through the pictures though!

Besides my obsession of love, swooning, and all things romance I am also obsessed with Harry Potter. I mean who isn’t?! I even have my own Harry Potter tattoo. Also, a cat named Albus Dumbledore. My daughter is lucky her name isn’t Hermione. I read the books over and over. I listen to the books over and over – strictly the British version though, I love me some Stephen Fry. If you say that Jim Dale is better, you better get outta here. I’m just kidding, please don’t leave!!! 😊 I’m sure we can overcome this, just go listen to all the books read by Stephen Fry and we can figure out who is correct. (Spoiler, it’s me).

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Okay maybe I got sidetracked a bit by Harry Potter. Meet me in real life and it’ll happen a lot. So, like I said I have a little, her name is Charlotte and she is ALMOST 4. Makes me sad how quickly she is growing up. She better like Harry Potter. HA! Besides my cat who is a jerk named Albus Dumbledore (right), nothing like his namesake this cat, I also have an almost 10-year-old cat name Baby Kitty (left) who is terrified of her own shadow. This cat truly disliked me for the first 5 years of her life. Cats are douches. They can sometimes be cool though. Sometimes. 

Well I have been rattling on about myself enough! I have lots of books to read, so I can review em, that’s why you come here right?! I am happy to answer questions, argue with you about Stephen Fry and Jim Dale, or just generally talk about nonsense. 


Julia ❤